


Every Villain Is Lemons

by decadent_mousse



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alien!Newt, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Communication Failure, Dating, Dubious Morality, Humor, M/M, Off-Screen Giant Monsters And Laser Death Rays, Romance, Stargazing, Superhero!Mako, Supervillain!Newt, well half-alien!Newt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 14:26:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4567902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decadent_mousse/pseuds/decadent_mousse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt and Hermann have just recently started dating -- a relationship that is complicated slightly by the fact that Newt is one of the city's most notorious supervillains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Villain Is Lemons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bravinto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravinto/gifts), [ClassyFangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassyFangirl/gifts).



> There are roughly a thousand other fics in-progress that I could be working on, but I wrote _this_ instead, and I regret nothing. Inspired by a conversation on Twitter with [bravinto](http://archiveofourown.org/users/bravinto/pseuds/bravinto) and [ClassyFangirl](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassyFangirl/pseuds/ClassyFangirl) this morning. Thanks to ClassyFangirl for coming up with a title! 
> 
> I cranked this thing out over the course of several hours and it's unbeta'd. My beta will probably read it later, though, at which point I'll fix any glaring errors, but feel free to let me know if you spot any typos!

"It's a nice night, huh?"

Hermann gazed up at the sky, and the look on his face made the whole night worth it.  It had taken some planning to set up this stargazing date, but it was totally worth it to watch Hermann completely _swoon_ over the meteor shower like the astronomy nerd he was.

"Yes," Hermann murmured.  "It's rare to get such a good view of celestial phenomena in the city, because of the..."  He trailed off, and the warm and fuzzy feeling Newt had been feeling turned into a sinking feeling of nervousness.

"Uh," Newt said, rubbing the back of his neck.  "So, anyway, which meteor shower thing is this, again?  I get all this space stuff mixed up."  Which was kind of ironic, considering he was _from_ space originally, but no one had ever accused Newt of being the most observant of people.

Hermann was onto him, though, he could tell.  He was putting the pieces together in his head.  That's part of what he loved about Hermann -- he always managed to keep up with his rapid fire brain.  He loved that, but he was pretty sure it was about to get him yelled at.

Hermann side-eyed him.  "Newton."

"Hermann," Newt countered, putting on his brightest grin and batting his eyelashes, a little bit, just in case it'd help.

It didn't.

"Odd that the city's power grid would go down tonight, of all nights.”

Newt laughed.  " _Weird_ , right?"

"What have you done?" Hermann asked with a sigh.

"Nothing!"

He turned to face him, glaring.  "Nothing?  I wouldn't call shutting down power to an entire city _nothing_ , Newton!"

"That's-- this is--" Newt stammered waving a hand around like he could snatch a convincing sounding lie out of the air, before blurting, "This is _your_ fault, you know!"

Hermann gaped at him.  "What?!"

"Yeah!"  Newt exclaimed, on a roll now.  He pointed at him accusingly.  "Yeah, you heard me!"

"Because I wanted to view a meteor shower?!" Hermann asked incredulously, starting to sound a bit like that pterodactyl monster Newt had grown a few weeks ago.

"No!  Because--!  Because _you_ told me!  You told me I should find more 'benign' ways to 'express myself'!  That's what you said!"

"I meant something that wouldn't get you arrested!  Something that wasn't _illegal_!"

"Okay, but you never _said_ that! You never said 'Newton, don't do anything illegal!'"

"I didn't think I _had_ to specify that!"

This was turning into a disaster.  It had been so good a minute ago, he'd done a good thing, he'd thought, and now -- now it was a mess.  He floundered, making a bunch of noise but not really managing to say anything, because his brain was too busy cartwheeling around in his head.

Hermann moved to stand up, too fast, and stumbled a bit before steadying himself with his cane.  

Newt sprang to his feet, "Here, let me--"

Hermann recoiled from his touch and hissed, "Do _not_."

"I-- uh-- I'm--"

Hermann scowled and stormed away in the direction of the car and Newt stayed where he was for half a minute before he realized Hermann was leaving.  Newt didn't need a car to get home, he could just whistle for Godzilla Junior if he had to.  That wasn't even the point -- Hermann was _really_ upset.

Newt ran after him.  "Hermann!  H-hey, hold on!  Will you wait a minute?!"

He stopped at the car door, but kept his back to him.  "What?"

"I'm-- I'm-- sorry?  Really, really sorry."  Which was true.  He didn't really see what the big deal about blowing the city's power for a couple hours was, but he _did_ see that Hermann was upset about it, and he was sorry about it.  "I just-- I wanted to do this for you, I wanted tonight to be special, and I-- uh--"  He swallowed past the lump in his throat.  "I screwed it up.  I'm sorry."

"I know that you meant well, Newton.  If I believed you do the things you do out of malicious intent, I would not be _dating_ you, but you need to become more aware of the consequences of your actions."

"More aware.”  He nodded vigorously.  “Okay.  I get it, man.  No more blowing power grids."

Hermann turned around.  "And preferably no more genetically engineering abominations that go completely against the laws of nature."

"Hey!" Newt exclaimed, pointing.  "I better not catch you saying that in front of Godzilla Junior!  He has feelings, you know!"

Hermann's lips twitched.  "I'll refrain."

Newt crossed his arms over his chest.  "Good.  I'm not gonna stand for you slandering my son."

Hermann rolled his eyes, but that was definitely a smile taking shape on his face, and that was a good thing.

"I would like it very much if you would at least _attempt_ to curb your criminal urges in the future."

"I-- okay.  I guess.  I'll-- I'll try, dude.  For you."

"I'd rather you did for yourself."

Newt snorted loudly.  "Yeah, okay."

Hermann glared at him, but there was no heat to it.  "What am I going to do with you?"

"Forgive me, ideally."

He shook his head, but his smile was getting bigger.  He had a fantastic smile.  

Newt sauntered over to the car and leaned against it seductively.  "So... your lair or mine?"

"Newton, I don't have a lair, I have an apartment."

"Okay, so your apartment or my lair?"

"You," Hermann replied, "live in an abandoned underground subway station."

"Yeah, but 'lair' sounds so much cooler."

~

Hermann could scoff at Newt’s lair all he wanted, but it was awesome and they both knew it.  It was also closer than Hermann’s apartment, which is what sealed the deal.  A few hours later, Hermann was tucked against his back, snoring softly in his ear, and Newt felt like he’d won the jackpot.  Who needed laser rays, weather control machines, or bags of money, when they had Hermann Gottlieb gently spooning them in bed.  

Well, the money would’ve still been nice.  Also he wasn’t sure if he could actually stop building laser rays and weather control machines -- he liked to keep his hands busy.  It’s not like he ever used them on anything -- anything alive, anyway.  Accidentally carve your name into the surface of the moon _once_ and suddenly everyone thinks you’re a “menace” and “need to be stopped.”  Pfft, whatever.

As if on cue, his security system started chirping on his nightstand.  

Hermann groaned and mumbled sleepily.  “What is that?”

“Uh, nothing.  Text message.”

“Mmm.”

“Hey, umm, I’m gonna go grab a snack,” he lied.  “Want me to bring something back for you?”

“Ice cream,” he said, so softly and sleepily and Newt wasn’t one hundred percent sure that it was a legitimate request and not just something he was mumbling in his sleep.  Hermann didn’t act even a little bit suspicious, which made Newt feel a little bad about lying to him.  

He got out of bed, slipped on a pair of slippers, and groggily headed for the elevator leading to the surface entrance of his lair.  He was _so_ not in the mood to deal with this right now, but it was either deal with the problem now, or deal with it later when it smashed its way into his home -- and he didn’t want Hermann to get dragged into this.

As the elevator neared the surface, he cleared his throat.  “Well, well, well,” he announced as the elevator noisily emerged from the ground, “if it isn’t my arch-nemesis!  Lady Danger!  We meet again!”  

“You’re not my arch-nemesis, Newt,” Lady Danger replied, looking one hundred percent unimpressed and zero percent intimidated, which… was pretty much business as usual, if he was honest with himself.  

“Or so you _think_ ,” he countered.  “A really diabolical arch-nemesis is one you don’t realize is your arch-nemesis until it’s,” he wiggled his fingers at her dramatically, “too late.”

Someone standing beside her snorted loudly and Newt rolled his eyes.  

“Oh hey!  You brought Golden Retriever!  Sorry, buddy, didn’t see you standing there.”

“That’s not my name,” Lady Danger’s sidekick retorted.

Newt cackled.  “It’s not?  Are you _sure_?”

“Are we gonna stand around talking, or are we gonna take this guy in?”

“Oh, pal, I would love to see you _try_ to take me in.”  

“I hate to break it to you,” Golden Retriever said, “but I’m not afraid of a guy standing around in his pajamas and a pair of bunny slippers.”

“You might not be afraid of me, but you’ll be afraid of Godzilla Junior when he comes to _devour you_!”  Newt pulled a whistle out of his pocket in a dramatic flourish and blew on it.

And absolutely nothing happened.

Crickets chirped.  The wind blew, a little bit.

“Damn it,” he grumbled.  “You lazy lizard.  If I end up in jail tonight, you are _so_ grounded.”

Lady Danger rolled her eyes, a little bit, and Golden Retriever looked way too smug for Newt’s liking.

“Oh, bite me, sidedick.”

Golden Retriever frowned and opened his mouth to retort.

“Don’t,” Lady Danger interjected.  “Scout the area.  Make sure his monster isn’t hiding nearby.”

His brow furrowed, and he clearly wasn’t happy about it, but he did as she said.  He shot off like a rocket.

“Just between you and me,” Newt said, once he was sure Tweedle-Dum was out of range.  “I wasn’t just trying to piss him off, I seriously can’t remember his name.”

“It’s Raleigh.”

He blinked.  “Just… Raleigh?  No cool codename?”

“No.”

“Well, _that’s_ boring.”

“Newt…”

“Look, I know, I know.  Power grid sabotage, bad.  I already got the lecture, but could you just… _not_ arrest me?  Maybe?  I’ve got someone here, uh-- a sort of… boyfriend someone.”  She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth either to gawk in surprise or say something, Newt wasn’t sure, because he kept talking.  “If you wanna fight it out tomorrow, I’m all for it, but maybe tonight I can just… take a raincheck?  Please?  I mean, c’mon, on a scale of one to ten, how bad was I tonight, _really_?”

She stared at him for a long enough time that he was starting to think she wasn’t going to go for it.  Then finally she said, “Okay.”

“Yeah?  Really?”

“Just this once, Newt.  Next time you do something like this--”

“I know, I know, you’ll kick my ass and drag me off to prison.”  He was still a little sore from last time.  He was more than willing to lie low… for awhile, at least.

“Yes.”

“Okay, so… I’m gonna go back to bed, then.  Say bye to what’s-his-face for me."

She shook her head at him as he pressed the “down” button on the elevator and retreated back into his lair.  

When he got back to bed, Hermann was right where he’d left him, and Newt was glad to have resolved the whole “clash with a superhero” thing without having to actually clash with a superhero.  Lady Danger wasn’t half-bad, as far super-heroes went.  Way less of a pain to deal with than her dad had been.  She wouldn’t think twice about kicking his ass, of course, but she was a little more open to bargaining, at least.

He was pretty pleased with himself for shooing off a superhero with Hermann none the wiser.  He hummed happily to himself as he crawled back under the covers.  

Hermann curled against him.  “Where’s the ice cream?”

Newt froze and glanced at his empty hands.  

Oops.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to actually include an appearance by Godzilla Junior, but he was too busy sleeping -- as irresponsible teenage giant lizard monsters tend to do. 
> 
> Newt himself is half-human half-lizard alien of some kind, but looks more or less human like usual, so it didn't end up being super-relevant to this fic. You could probably blame at least part of his shaky grasp of the legal system and human morality on spending part of his youth on another planet. The rest is because he's, well, _Newt_.


End file.
